It’s horrible! You met someone and adore him so much. You both enjoyed each other company. Afterward, your relationship with him leveled up: has a label or more than friends. And then, you both decided to marry each other. So, it comes up with engagement first.
You were both in love, so in love. His laughs were the music in your ears. His smiles were the one thing you want to see every day. You know he shines your each day of your life. Everything was perfect – until you know this won’t work anymore.
He’s so busy with his business. You’re so busy writing. He’s busy with seminars or any meetings, and you’re busy enjoying. That time, you knew your relationship is slowly wrecking.
You met someone. A guy who doesn’t believe fairytales and romance. You answered a letter that was written 15 years ago. It was a letter from a broken hearted girl, a coward, who left her love of his life because she’s afraid to conquer the world with him. You met someone, and it was his grandson.
You both always fight in things about love. Love sucks, he said. If love always within in our hearts why would someone leave for themselves? he said. One night, you both talk and settled. Talked about how both of you love stars and the moon that shine. You talked and talked until you both kissed. You forgot the world. Just you and him.
You stopped yourself. You felt you were cheating because you know you’re engaged. You stared at him for a moment – and walked away.
You talked to your fiancé. You tried to talk to him but he’s still busy. You said you want to end your relationship with him and he asked why. You told him, this won’t work anymore. But he answered you – you like a relationship that is different with others. You want that even how far you both go you still don’t forget each other and get back to each other. And he did all of that. You answered I’ve change.
You were invited to the party. You met that guy who doesn’t believe in love again. You know there’s this feeling when you’re near at him. Your heart beats so fast and while you’re walking towards him there’s a music in your ears. You know this is different. You know this isn’t just nothing. You know this is it. You both hugged each other. You both stared each other. And kissed.
It’s horrible! You met someone, your first love, and you thought he’s the one. But you’ll never know when the true love comes.
Alone here in the café. Watching lovers flirting, teens giggling about some hot guys, citizens reading a newspaper, etc…
I’m sipping a coffee. It’s been a week since I always go out with myself alone. Just enjoying this life that I have.
I remember, my mom always talks about her life when she was still young. “It was terrible, my daughter”, she said. “I always lock myself in my room and the worst is I lock myself in my closet. I’m afraid to show up in the world. I’m afraid to socialize to be extrovert because all I can think is people’s judgment. I’m afraid to hear their thoughts about me. I’m not good dealing with those things.” she continued.
“One reason why I’m always in my room is that your grandma doesn’t want me to enjoy life. As I can see, she doesn’t want me to show what reality is because she always escaping and she brought me with her.”
I must be lucky. My mother wants me to conquer my fear, wants me to experience life: to feel pain, happiness, sad, broken, endure.
“I was lucky to meet your dad. It was a time when we went to the party and it was love at first sight, daughter. Yeah, it’s cliché but once you experience it – it doesn’t matter to you anymore. You’ll just suddenly whisper, “This is more than love that I know”. Daughter, you must know how to forgive if you want to be loved and you want to love.”
Everything is still clear to me. Reminiscing. And the last sentence left me speechless. Now I know, love always sacrifice. True love always in a big trouble until you learn how to bring up the sword and fight until you win. Then happily ever after happens.
It wasn’t easy. Past years, I always feel dying… storms were coming and I’m thinking it was his medicine, karma, for giving him a heartbreak; pain.
Now, I’m looking forward. Moving on from the past because like what a lot of people said, “The Past is past”. We can’t change it but we can start over again to make ourselves better.
Think about now. Thank for the things you have now. Just think about now!
“It was hard. Moving on is like you’re trying to be physically fit and thin so you must undergo with workouts and balance diet. Foods have limitations, and if you’re not a vegetarian it will be really hard.”
“You do?” Miguel asked, my gay friend
“What do you mean?”
“You do really move on?” he asked
“Of course I am. You’re doubting me, Miguel”
I’m asking myself too. I really do?
“Because you love him more than you, me, and all people love golds”
Before anything else. Before I fell in your words, in your actions. It was you – I fell for.
You were different Nate. You told me once, “I hate it when a lot of guys look at you the way I look at you.” I was stunned, I thought he knew that his looks or stares were more than ghosts’ stares. I mean, the way he looks at me it melts my heart and not only heart but my whole soul. He is really different from all the guys that I know.
“Baby, I can fight all the dragons and dinosaurs in every battle, just fight with me.” He look at me with desire
“I can never win a fight without you” he added
“Nate, god knows how much I love you” I sobbed
“It’s just this – this relationship – won’t work anymore. Maybe, the perfect time will come that I will you even more – more than how many people love the golds. Just remember this, It was only you…”