A night which always the same

The lights are off
the stars are shining
and the moon is
here we go again,
another night where
i feel so empty
and out of place

another night where
sadness will fill me
and loneliness

another night where
i lay on my bed
and only those pillows
and a blanket
can comfort me

another night
which i hate sometimes
because only a non-living thing
is there for me.

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One to ten

I was counting one to ten. I hope this world will be beautiful as what God’s thought. At ten, it was dark where they put everyone in violence. It was nine when everyone tried to break someone’s soul – raped, sexual assault/sexual intercourse. Eight… I bet eight thousand persons in this world who are against human rights, people who are against feminism. Seriously? They are too severe. I was looking at the clock, it’s now seven. I know you are one of those seven billion persons who judged people by its look; appearance, by its history, by how they talk. You just broke their confidence; it will never be okay. At six, it was so noisy and loud. A lot of people in this world doesn’t care about one person’s feelings; so insensitive. They bullied, throw some name-calling, tease someone, cat calling, and sometimes it’s not a nice joke anymore. And the worst is, you do cyberbully. You just destroyed someone’s reputation. Now we’re here at five. I just slept five times yesterday and when I woke up it was so silent. In this chaotic world, millions of people are in pain, depress, crying at the corner of her room silently, crying at laying on the floor of their comfort room, and enduring because of you. Think about it that you’re one of the reason why they are in dark without any light. One, two, three, and four. Four hundred melodies, four hundred songs a lot of people don’t want to hear anymore because you just lost its meaning. You hurt someone and you broke her heart into pieces because of what you did; you betrayed her, you cheated at her, you did something not good. Three in the morning, I was thinking about people who did suicide. I know you are one of those reasons why. Don’t deny it but you just called someone a slut, a dummy, an ugly, told someone to kill herself. Believe me, it is the most excruciating and they don’t believe in their own self anymore. At two, it is you and your thoughts. How can you think those to a person who always nice to you? Or maybe who didn’t do anything to you. At two, a lot of people who do crimes and violence until now and the holy heart of him is breaking. You can still help. Spread the words of knowledge and wisdom but first, you must understand it and find it by yourself. And it was the last water I drank before I slept. I was so thirsty. Thirsty of love, peace, and equality. This world was poured of love by Him, it’d be beautiful as what God’s thought.

What life is? 

It was a bleak night

The stars shone

The moon’s so wonderful —

I can live at the top of the building, just looking at those wonderful things. 

        Yet, the reality won’t live for nothing.
Life always hit you, isn’t it? 
Life is weird. It’s ironic. 

This explains everything:

It gives you friends to bond with, to share with, and to talk about life. Then, more than friends and became your best friend.
It’s ironic —

Then, she will be your best enemy. 

You’ll never know when true love comes

 

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You will never know when the true love comes.

It’s horrible! You met someone and adore him so much. You both enjoyed each other company. Afterward, your relationship with him leveled up: has a label or more than friends. And then, you both decided to marry each other. So, it comes up with engagement first.

You were both in love, so in love. His laughs were the music in your ears. His smiles were the one thing you want to see every day. You know he shines your each day of your life. Everything was perfect – until you know this won’t work anymore.

He’s so busy with his business. You’re so busy writing. He’s busy with seminars or any meetings, and you’re busy enjoying. That time, you knew your relationship is slowly wrecking.

You met someone. A guy who doesn’t believe fairytales and romance. You answered a letter that was written 15 years ago. It was a letter from a broken hearted girl, a coward, who left her love of his life because she’s afraid to conquer the world with him. You met someone, and it was his grandson.

You both always fight in things about love. Love sucks, he said. If love always within in our hearts why would someone leave for themselves? he said. One night, you both talk and settled. Talked about how both of you love stars and the moon that shine. You talked and talked until you both kissed. You forgot the world. Just you and him.

You stopped yourself. You felt you were cheating because you know you’re engaged. You stared at him for a moment – and walked away.

You talked to your fiancé. You tried to talk to him but he’s still busy. You said you want to end your relationship with him and he asked why. You told him, this won’t work anymore. But he answered you – you like a relationship that is different with others. You want that even how far you both go you still don’t forget each other and get back to each other. And he did all of that. You answered I’ve change.

You were invited to the party. You met that guy who doesn’t believe in love again. You know there’s this feeling when you’re near at him. Your heart beats so fast and while you’re walking towards him there’s a music in your ears. You know this is different. You know this isn’t just nothing. You know this is it. You both hugged each other. You both stared each other. And kissed.

It’s horrible! You met someone, your first love, and you thought he’s the one. But you’ll never know when the true love comes.

 

It Was You (pt. 4)

Alone here in the café. Watching lovers flirting, teens giggling about some hot guys, citizens reading a newspaper, etc…

I’m sipping a coffee. It’s been a week since I always go out with myself alone. Just enjoying this life that I have.

I remember, my mom always talks about her life when she was still young. “It was terrible, my daughter”, she said. “I always lock myself in my room and the worst is I lock myself in my closet. I’m afraid to show up in the world. I’m afraid to socialize to be extrovert because all I can think is people’s judgment. I’m afraid to hear their thoughts about me. I’m not good dealing with those things.” she continued.

“One reason why I’m always in my room is that your grandma doesn’t want me to enjoy life. As I can see, she doesn’t want me to show what reality is because she always escaping and she brought me with her.”
I must be lucky. My mother wants me to conquer my fear, wants me to experience life: to feel pain, happiness, sad, broken, endure.

“I was lucky to meet your dad. It was a time when we went to the party and it was love at first sight, daughter. Yeah, it’s cliché but once you experience it – it doesn’t matter to you anymore. You’ll just suddenly whisper, “This is more than love that I know”. Daughter, you must know how to forgive if you want to be loved and you want to love.”

 

Everything is still clear to me. Reminiscing. And the last sentence left me speechless. Now I know, love always sacrifice. True love always in a big trouble until you learn how to bring up the sword and fight until you win. Then happily ever after happens.

 

This story has part one

Self before Others

Choosing yourself than someone isn’t selfish. It’s just – you’re tired giving more time to the people surrounds you. To those people who you give more time than yourself. To those people who you please sometimes. To those people who think your opinions are nothing, and it shows you’re just nothing and just a nobody.

Sometimes, before loving someone you’d better love yourself first and find who you really are.